I hope.... i had answers
Yes this is what its shown ...and this is how i think , this is how i work , this is how i love and hate ....what i do is like this what i m is like this .....What is this is a MATRIX of thought of the world inside , of how see myself currently it knows everything it is playing with me i know , i m loosing lot of myself in this game i know .....what i dont know is ..Is there any matrix existing ? ...Or is it a matrix in itself ? ....there is so lot of confusion , there is so lot of illusion .....I just feel so wierd of myself my thoughts my descions , not knowing and just escaping every day from myself ....coz i m not able to solve this matirx ....with every passing day specially with the inputs of movements around me and my life , with the help of friends and the foes i realsied lot of things myself i felt , i was happy that i know something bout myself which will be less of self contradiction and more of selfbelief ....but now when i sit and think i m still not able to break this matrix of what I am , what I want ... what is that drives me ...Is it money ? ...No i dont think so ... Is it fame ...no i dont feel that way either ... Is it security and stabiltiy is what i look ...that sounds enticing for sometime ...I think i will stay for this but i dont think i can stay ...as someone once said n holds t
rue for this also ... feel like quoting ::
My house says to me, "do not leave me, for here dwells your past."
And the road says to me, "Come and follow me, for I am your future."
And I say to both my house and the road, "I have no past, nor have I a future.
If I stay here, there is a going in my staying; and if I go there is a staying in my going.
Only love and death change all things.....
So is it love i m thinking of ? ....Have i really loved neone before this ? ....No i dont think that .....I just dont feel that feeling of love is really what i seek ......Coz i never observed and thirdy party intereference can solve this matrix .... I know form years of struggle and by the experience of the other mortals ...either one day i will put dwon the weapon and leave the stuggle of dicovering myself and become the part of the solution ...Since many years i m blindly waging this war , this war n a struggle in myself ..just not moving newhere and not elsewhere ....on the outside of it there isnt any stuggle ....but there is :) ....There is a constant stuggle which only i can feel , i know i m doing lot of thigns wrong to myself and to other who are related to me .... I just feel if i just had a bit of control over this ever raging war , encompassing everything and everybody that comes even in the close vicinity of it .....! ...I just feel i hurt less ppl in this ....I just fear nothing but myself .....
Or is it just the time to say to myself I m no saint ... i m a human i must belive this.. i m not a superhuman either i must bow down to myself and accept as what i m .. or what i m becoming ..... there might b many internal factors and external hands :) .....in this but time has come to stop or atleast to put aside this struggle of myself with myself ......
Will I be able to solve this matrix ? ........DO i have any answer ? ....Or m i listening ? .....Or is it me i m talking to ? ............
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